What's up with all the delays?

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. - Psalm 31:24 KJV

I have been clinging to this particular Bible verse more than ever. I also hadn't planned on writing this post but I feel it needs to be out there as to why activity here on the blog hasn't been the same the past several months and why posts are either late or not published at all when they are expected, as well as why I am extremely behind in getting orders fulfilled.

On top of the health/medical diagnosis I have been dealing with since October 2021 (which I mentioned in a post in January), a second one came up towards the end of January this year. It has been 8 weeks of undergoing tests, ultrasounds, CT scan, and mammography and then waiting for results.

I came by myself, and I had been praying for weeks that the lump I had felt on the right side of my breast, right under my armpit, was nothing serious. But with a family history of breast cancer, and having a cyst (which turned out benign) removed from each breast in 2006, I needed to have it checked out. And so in late January, my doctor ordered an ultrasound. A couple of weeks later, she ordered a CT scan because the ultrasound showed three, not just one, enlarged lymph nodes. I never heard back so I thought, "No news is good news." Until I got a letter saying my doctor had ordered a second ultrasound and diagnostic mammography and that I was already scheduled for those procedures the second week of March. 

Then a week more of waiting, until finally I saw the doctor yesterday. I knew it wasn't good as soon as I saw her face and she refused to look at me for the first couple of minutes. She kept starting to talk then stop then try again only to end up clearing her throat and looking down at the stapled pages in her hands. I wanted to know so asked her to just say it straight out. And she did.

"Suspicious for malignancy", "multifocal breast carcinoma with metastatic right axillary adenopathy", "multiple right breast abnormalities", and "early pulmonary nodular metastatic disease" are words no one ever wants to hear when they go in to see their doctor. But those words I heard -- she read them from the printout she was holding. The last part -- "early pulmonary nodular metastatic disease" -- was because the CT scan showed a nodule on my lung's lower left lobe. I told her it's scarring from the valley fever I had in 2011/2012. But still, she wanted to be sure. And so she told me she is ordering 3 biopsies STAT -- 2 for the lumps in my breast and 1 for nodule in my lung.

I don't know how I managed to drive myself home, but I remember sitting in the car at the parking lot and staring at the copy of my results. I sat there for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, and I remember shaking and saying out loud, "Lord, please give me strength and give me courage. I need to get home to my family." While my MIL watched my little girls in the living room, I told David about the results and my upcoming biopsies.

And now there is more waiting. As I'm writing this, I got a second phone call from my insurance saying that my doctor's request has been approved. The other call came this morning. So now I wait for the hospital to call me and tell me when I go in for the procedures.

I am terrified. Overwhelmed. Worried for my husband and my two young children -- they are the love and light of my life. But all I can do now is "keep my panic in check" (Craftyfield's words) and she is right. 

And here we are. I know many of you are wondering and I appreciate the emails asking how I am...and I am so sorry for not replying to some. I'm afraid things are going to be even more crazy around here. I have a wonderful team and they are like family to me. They have given me so much grace these past few months considering how inconsistent I have been. Without their support and understanding, I would have shut down this blog and the store (even temporarily) altogether.

If you are the praying sort, could you please include my family -- most especially my girls, Kathryn and Winter -- in your prayers? 

Thank you for reading this far.